


Je Suis Á Paris, Chérie (Je Souhaite Que Tu Sois Ici)

by colorworld



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awesome Pepper Potts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Peter Parker, Female!Peter Parker, Genderbent!Peter Parker - Freeform, Grief, Guilt, Guilty Tony Stark, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Parent Pepper Potts, Parent Tony Stark, Post Apocalypse, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pregnancy, Pregnant Pepper Potts, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark acting as Penny Parker's father figure, Tony misses Penny, Vacation, just a lil trip, like literally the word shows up once its not a subject of the story, single mention of pedophillia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorworld/pseuds/colorworld
Summary: Tony remembers Penny, even a year after, even with his own child on the way. To grieve a loved one is to never forget, but to try to heal.This proves to be a big challenge for anyone, including himself.
Relationships: Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, NOT peter with tony, Pepper Potts & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, absolutely no starker, cause tags mess up sometimes, no starker - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Je Suis Á Paris, Chérie (Je Souhaite Que Tu Sois Ici)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myyszka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myyszka/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZU! I thought you'd love to see a work with Tony, Penny, and Nat, so that's what I made! It's Sydney-esque writing, but I really hope you like it! 
> 
> I cannot believe I've known you for a year, now! I think it's been about a year because I started to talk to you sometime in April. Fast forward it's your sweet sixteen and I!!!! CANT EVEN!!!!!
> 
> You are so unbelievably amazing! You are so strong, beautiful, kind, hilarious, cool, and more! Even if we don't talk every day, you're in my mind and heart always!
> 
> Happy Birthday, angel! I love you always and forever!

_**November 13th, 2019** _

They landed in Paris, France just now in the afternoon. 

Today, the start of their short trip, was damp and chilly. Granted, it was late Autumn and should’ve been expected, especially as a New Yorker, but there was an energy here that was extra cold. 

Paris lost more population than in New York City. Once, it was clogged and busy with two million people, not even mentioning the tourists, and that was the population within the city limits. A year later, The City Of Light plunged into eternal darkness. Light was drowned out by the effects of the lost souls. The ratio of residents and tourists was definitely more staggering, now. Just under nine hundred thousand people were spared. The rest? Dust. 

Tony doesn’t see that dust. Ever. It’s been long gone, long time it’s been cleaned up. How? He doesn’t know. Was it vacuumed? Was it burned? Was it collected into urns? Many places across the world had different methods. In Fijian villages, they tried to keep the dust right where it was, but the weather didn’t agree. In Swiss cities, they declared to have no idea whose remnants could’ve belonged to whom, so it was, regretfully, cleaned from the streets and where it lay was sanitized. 

He bets the communist governments of the world were pleased by this, in some ways. The population control that had been practiced was done for them by a purple alien from space. Unless, of course, it wiped out their loved ones. That wouldn’t be appreciated. 

The natural, authentic noise of the French capital was quieter than before. It was the new normal. The new way of life. Every car horn, every child’s giggle, every man’s yell, every dog’s bark was on a lesser level. Fewer people, less of everything. Ok, maybe not everything. At first, there was a huge excess of food. It was all eaten and then the suffering started when farms lacked the needed work and manufactured food had fewer people to make it. That went for the whole world, not to mention the people who starved anyways. 

Clouds are a thick blanket above Paris. So is silence. In comparison to what it used to be, it was silence. It was there from the very moment they got into their black Cadillac and were driven away from the tarmac. 

The pilot had only now discovered the fate of his wife and his unborn child. He knew that she was most likely dead, but that tiny part of himself wished for the best with all the adoration he had. Plus, his wife was Nigerian, returning to her home country on a short trip to visit her family whom she was helping with the immigration process to the United States. They were going to live in Clermont, Florida, an hour outside Orlando. They’d bought a new house in a peaceful community. Everything was going their way. All of a sudden, the tv malfunctions and the man’s life collapses before his eyes. A year later, he knows his wife’s fate. And his unborn baby’s. Never would he love someone else. Ever. 

Tony, imagining only dust at the compound instead of his wife and baby girl, made sure to pay him a _ lot _ extra. It didn’t compensate for absolutely anything, but he had plenty. Maybe it would help him restart his life again. 

Shit. He should really double the money and efforts for the foundation, shouldn’t he? 

Most of the world didn’t hate him and the Avengers for trying their best against Thanos, but there were the few (left) that protested and raged in their hatred. Tony could never blame them. He didn’t do enough. And Strange gave him the fucking stone. Maybe in another lifetime, he stabbed the man for that. That would at least get out a smidget of the internalized fury he felt to this day. 

The remaining, loud people were not around, or at least he supposed. Tony had encountered protesters, before, if he went out, sometimes. They would surround the car and Happy would have a fit. They were nowhere in sight, this time. It was weird. He deserved it, but Pepper next to him didn’t. And the baby, as well….Could babies understand all that noise would be negative and scary?

She was an accident. A happy accident. Was that what he was supposed to say, assuming he wouldn’t lie? Too bad it wasn’t the fantasy of settling down happily ever after, having a family, and Iron Man was so far from him that it was almost a myth. Yes, they fulfilled it in theory, to a certain extent. Money was obviously not a problem. They built a little farmhouse-style home in a field, planting flowers and trees in their yard. But the world was in chaos, things led to others, the universe was in an apocalyptic state, he was definitely a sex-for-stress-relief person, and Tony can look over and see the result underneath his wife’s pink-white-and-coral-striped sweater, now in third trimester. 

Paris had a lot of nice clothing designers that did little girl clothes since he found out that Pepper was into that kind of thing. His mom had been, too. She did the whole custom clothes thing for him when she was young and he never knew why. But now, he is having a child of his own, and he gets it a little bit better, but still not completely. Custom clothes, the bassinet, the cradle, the papooses. Pepper makes lists and writes down boutiques and names for all of them. It enters one ear and out the other, not because he didn’t care, of course, he cared, he just was still adapting to the fact that they were having a baby, even though life was throwing it in his face between the strange food cravings and the morning sickness. Thankfully, it wasn’t the worst other women had in their pregnancies, especially for a woman of Pepper’s age to have a baby. Her pregnancy was strangely easy. She deserved it considering all the pain he’s put her through. You know. Getting experimented on, nearly dying, all that jazz. He didn’t want nine months straight of sickness and such things on her. 

It was a joy. It was no doubt, a joy. She really was. Their little girl who was to come to the world. Wrong timing, he thought, since the world was in recession, depression, and distress, and his baby didn’t deserve that, but at least she wouldn’t see any of it to remember it for at least a few years. His daughter could lie in her cradle, in her mom’s arms, and his own without the worries of the trillions of lost souls. She could just gaze up in wonder with her eyes (blue? Green? Brown? He didn’t know) and proceed to giggle for no reason at all. 

They arrive at their accommodation, The Shangri-La of Paris, close to sunset, not that they could see their sun if they tried. Tony practically braces for someone to notice them and give them a disgusted or mournful face, but that doesn’t happen. It’s plain and eerie. He deserved it. Pepper didn’t, but he did. Where was it?

They check in with ease and head up to their suite. Maybe he was a prick for it, but he usually just got the biggest and or most expensive thing available. He was rich, though, why not get the best thing? There was no reason, life went on, but the guilt was the ocean and he was just a lost sailor at the bottom of it. There was a struggling veteran out there who deserved this more, this luxury he had. The security. The comfort. Working families should have this, and that was even the case way before Thanos came into the picture. 

Penny. Penny deserved this. 

Tony swallows and looks down in his living room chair when her name comes into his head. When her face comes into his head, it’s even worse. She died with that face. She died saying that she was sorry. Oh, what he would give to say “There’s nothing to be sorry for, baby.”

He’d been breaking down over her, lately. Specifically, the past four days. Pepper suggested that for the four days he spent in the furthest extent of his trauma, he should get back four days to be at peace. Maybe a little get-away. It wouldn’t be a crime to do, so that’s what they did, even though Tony wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He’d cooped himself up in their home, trying not to freak out about the state of the world, but seeing a bit of it may be healthy for him. He needs to cope, somehow, right? At least to try would be good?

He turns the TV on and, well, it’s in French, but he knew French. He could read the headlines on this news channel. Tony flips it to the next one, news again. Pepper suggested he stop watching it so much. It resuscitated his anxieties after they were quelled for the time being. Outside, he notices it starts to rain, and heavily. The noise crashes against the window. It’s a lovely, relaxing tune, but it also makes him alert. Tony watches it, the rain splattering against the patio door windows. Those elegant doors led out to a massive terrace where you could see the Eiffel Tower right there. They were so close to it. 

_ “Wow,” Penny whispers in awe. “It really is so much bigger in person, Mr. Stark.” She sets down the basket and starts smoothing out the giant blanket they had. “What better place in the world is there to have a picnic by,” She then looks at him with a giant, cheerful grin and vibrant eyes,”-than the Eiffel Tower?” _

Tony’s eyes gain emotional gravity and his lip falls from his top one. Not that he realizes it, but his hand starts to shake ever so slightly, progressing in its amount of movement. What he does realize is that this is the same hotel suite. The same  _ fucking _ one. 

_ Penny brings a hand to cover her mouth. It was so expansive, bigger than her own apartment’s living room. Hell, that included the terrace. She was stunned by all of it. The finishings of this suite were divine. The sofas, the dining table, the carpet, even the lampshades phased the teenager. One second she was in her tiny Queens bedroom with a lame twin bed and now she’s in Paris in a wonderful luxury hotel she could never afford without years of religious, heavy saving. Especially this room, which was not even the cheapest.  _

_ “What’d’ya think, kid?” Tony asks with a smirk. He loved to see how stunned she was. “Like it?” _

_ “Mr. Stark, I don’t know what to say…” All she could think about was how that even if she tried to pay him back, it would take a long time. He was a billionaire, but still. You pay people back. How did she get here? This all started with him finding a video of her Spider-Girl action on Youtube. Freaking Youtube.  _

_ “It’s ok, Pen. Maybe just cie le ve, or something, I don’t know the French quote.” _

_ “I thought you knew French, Mr. Stark?” Penny quizzically asks. She cautiously sets a bag down on one of the sofas, hoping the fancy fabric was not delicate. “It’s c’est la vie. Means ‘that’s life’ or s-h-i-t happens in English ‘cause it’s slang.” _

_ “Did you just spell a swear word instead of saying it?” _

_ “I don’t know where May is, but I’m sure she’s around here somewhere in this I-don't-know-how-many-square-foot-apart-” _

_ “Two-thousand-twenty-four-hundred-square-feet,” Tony blurts, not skipping a beat.  _

_ “That’s...That’s bigger than most apartments, Mr. Stark,” Penny nervously laughs. She prays the terrace is not as big as she thinks it is. It’s so big-looking. _

_ He bites back from accidentally asking if it was and, instead, heads over to the glass panoramic windows, finding which one was the sliding door. When he does, Tony opens it up, letting the warm summery air enter the room and hit his face. “Wanna come outside, kiddo?” _

_ It’s a fairytale, or at least that’s what it feels like. Like, ten times the fairytale minimum threshold. She nods, heading to step outside the balcony. When she does, all of the bright sunlight hits her body. It’s a stunningly blue day outside, barely a few clouds in sight, burningly white against the sun’s rays. The Eiffel Tower stands proudly as Paris’ most iconic symbol, and something Penny thought she’d have to wait a long time to see, except that’s not true. She’s standing right here and she’ll never stop wondering why.  _

_ Tony leans against the railing. “C’est la vie, you said?”  _

_ Penny nods. “C’est la vie...but taking it literally. Not the slang, in this case. Not even a relevant meaning.” _

Tony bolts up from the chair. Was he even sure? There were a few of these suites, weren’t there? Did it matter? Should it matter? Should it matter that he was just sitting in that Penny sat in three years ago and now she’s dead?

He sharply breathes in, just staring at the chair. That night, he’d checked on Penny and May before he went to bed with Pepper in their separate suite, she was sitting in this very chair wearing some bright pink onesie watching a Star Wars movie with the patio door open, letting the Parisian air in from outside. She was so happy. Without being in Paris, she was happy. And now, since last year, that happiness has ended. 

Tony wanted the best for her. Ever since he took a mental note of her, he wanted only good things for Penny. Happiness, safety, good school life. It took him until Pepper expecting their baby for him to even get an inkling of this idea, but it was everything his own father wasn’t. For every ten things Howard didn’t care about, Tony cared about twenty for Penny. He thought of the girl like he was her parent and he was not even related to her. 

He sees the famous Parisian monument and he thinks of how Penny should have had more Eiffel Tower moments. She should’ve seen the world, or at least more of it. Buckingham Palace, Pompeii, The Taj Mahal, The Opera House-oh, God, Penny wanted to see the Opera House in Sydney. She never got to see Australia. It was the international destination she wanted to see most. 

A bomb of the monstrous feeling by the name of “failure” drops just over his head. Perfect. 

“You ok?”

Tony turns his head to look at Pepper who’s changed into some lavender-colored cashmere lounge clothes. Her hair hung down and she’d taken off her makeup to reveal her natural glowing face and its freckles. “Yeah, I’m ok,” He answers weakly. 

“You wanna order some room service? Baby’s demanding her meal,” Pepper heads over to the phone, also looking for a menu. The cloud’s built-up-water reserve pours outside all over Paris, including on their terrace. 

“Order whatever you want, honey.” He walks over to Pepper, wrapping an arm around her waist and belly, rubbing it just a bit. “Chicken parm looks good. Might be the most expensive chicken parm I’ve ever seen, but.”

Pepper softly chuckles. She picks up the phone, putting in an order in smooth French of two chicken parmesans plus a couple of chocolate cake slices before hanging up a minute later. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Pep-”

“Tony, I know when something’s bothering you.” It’s hard not to when she’s worked for and dated him for over ten years. “The only way we get through this is if we talk things out rather than bottling them up.”

He keeps his hand resting on her belly where their baby warmly sat unbothered. “This...is the suite Penny and May stayed in back in, uh, that August in twenty-seventeen.”

“What?” Pepper’s eyes immediately glance around the room. “You sure?” Her voice is just about as shocked as her counterpart felt when it dawned on him.

Tony sullenly nods. “I think so,” He whispers with a sense of dark mournfulness. “She...sat in that chair. Where I was sitting.” Penny’s name went un-mentioned, but that’s all he was thinking about. 

“Oh my God, Tony, I’m sorry-” Pepper starts.

“Pep, it’s not your fault, it’s ok,” He reassures firmly, yet quietly. “...Just surprised me.”

“I just called and asked for a planner to get us a good suite, I didn’t even specify a place or room,” Pepper explains, flustered since she knew how deep the scars of trauma and memories ran on him. She had her own share, too, that helped her know. “You sure you don’t want to change rooms-” She tries.

“No, it’s ok,” Tony turns down softly. “It’s alright. Just surprised me,” He repeats again, but more slowly. Less sure. 

A year after and every damn agonizing feeling is still there, appearing in a food-platter-variety of mannerisms. 

By the time they finish dinner and watch a few episodes of 30 Rock (because bless Tina Fey), nighttime darkness shrouds France and sleepiness ascends on Pepper. Going to sleep together at the same time had become a habit because it was good for the both of them, but the activity of his brain was beyond some cute melatonin supplement or white noise machine’s ability to rescue him. It’s not Paris that’s doing this. Well, it is, but not physically. Everything around him is pretty peaceful. On the other side of the blackout curtains, the city glowed through its most iconic landmark, the raining had ceased long ago, and capital-city chaos must have been in recession. It probably was a warm welcome for Pepper. She deserved it. There was so much goodness she deserved. He loved her so much and in a wonderland world, he could  _ give  _ her the world. 

Penny could have had it, too. 

That obviously didn’t happen. 

For a while, Tony had been facing the curtains instead of towards his wife. He was a restless sleeper and lounger, so he turned over, but with care so his love didn’t wake up. It’s hard to see her gorgeous face in the dark, but the tiny amount of light that got in, somehow, shows the soft texture of her skin and the natural pinkness of her lips. He found his own lips curling just to know how lucky he was to even see her. 

Their baby rests snuggly and warm in her mommy’s belly underneath the plum-colored silk nightgown, only two months to go and she gets to start her life in the world. Usually, it was much more exciting for parents, but with the state of the world, Tony felt guilt for her. Infinite guilt, as if he didn’t have enough for everyone else in existence. But this was his child. His baby. He never thought he’d have children, especially since he was older and most were at the end of their biological road by their forties and fifties, but Pepper took five tests and they found themselves in tight, mixed-emotion embrace seven months ago. Two more for Pepper and the baby. Just two more. 

It really nagged at him that they still kept calling it “the baby”. They didn’t have a name for her. Of course, they compiled a list. Some names were more classic, a few were kinda boring, and some sorta far-fetched and he didn’t know why those names were still there. Abigail and Isabella? They were practically there for no reason and they were too boring. Jenna was a family name on Pepper’s side of the family, but Tony definitely didn’t see his daughter being named Jenna Stark. However, he also heard of people calling their poor kids' names as far from sanity as Kale and Maude, so nothing was really impressing him. He felt like toast: they overdid it and now they have nothing. 

Penelope was an interesting name. It was Penny’s true name because most parents wouldn’t name their kid just Penny as a first name. Penelope Brielle Parker, named by Richard and Mary Parker. Penelope didn’t sound like a family name, so he could’ve only guessed that they just liked it. He never thought anything of it until he met the teenage P.B.P at the mere age of fourteen. That day, she was in a hoodie with her hair in a ponytail and lied right through her teeth in front of her aunt. The last day, she was a fallen heroine in his arms until all she became was dust. 

Penelope was a cherished name. A beautiful one of a beautiful girl. 

Ok, it must have sounded terribly creepy that way, and the concept of pedophilia really freaked Tony out. But when Penny smiled, the world was in a metaphorical smile. You couldn’t frown when she was around. Her smarts and quips and laughter were enough to turn it all around for you in just a few moments. In all of time and space, how little of it all it took for her impact to blossom like a vibrant sunflower was...actually incredible. She was incredible.

He watched her grow. That was part of it. No, he didn’t watch her go from baby to teenager to adult, but high school is a tough time, and she had unique issues to overcome. Finally, at long last, when her original goal of becoming an all-mighty Avenger was in grabbing-a-pencil grasp, she rejected it for something she realized was better for her. He saw her learning through the suit engineering they did in the lab at the compound, multiple times again and again, not to mention every ounce of intellect she already had for herself. Shyness dissipated in many situations, he had noticed that. She was just taking her next steps as most teens do and are supposed to. Penny had the world at her feet, with the opportunity to do pretty much anything. 

Whether she was on Titan or not, though, and as herself or the opposite, her soul was still going to be lost to the merciless universe. 

Paris’s lack of meaning to the ever-existing and endlessly-sized universe was literally nothing, especially upon finding out that Earth was called “Terra” by more “official” authorities in the galaxy and that they were considered a backwater and unapproachable place. To Penny, though, it meant everything, just like a lot of places did, such as New York and Australia. Her home and the place she wanted to visit most. Maybe a different country on worthless Earth would never mean a damn to an empress of a thousand planets or an intergalactic warlord, but it and other things meant existence itself to him, Tony Stark, Iron Man, because her world and her life were his to protect. 

He failed in that job. 

He failed on the job for everyone. 

For Penny, one of the most soul-wrecking failures. 

Look at him now, lying in bed starting to feel how the tears are developing under the skin of his face. That was what the failure did to him. 

Pepper was a heavy sleeper, especially in comparison to himself, so sliding out of the fancy down duvet was no issue. His feet hit the hotel floor and, quietly, he scurries out of their bedroom, closing the door with as much intention to be silent as possible. 

Of course, the Eiffel Tower’s light hits him like a brick, you can’t escape it. A few street lights are also visible as well as other Parisian buildings that still exist, even in the night, even after the world’s cease of proper function. 

Tony remembers something he saw on the way to the hotel as he heads out onto the terrace, the air masking his face much cooler than the daylight’s. Photos. A lot of photos. It was a business trip to Paris, at that time in twenty-seventeen. Pepper was a part of a conference and him being him invited Penny and her aunt to come along for the week when it came up during conversation. A trip to Paris right before school started sounded like a good back-to-school gift for her. Is that what mentors did? He supposed not, but he didn’t see  _ why  _ not. Fast-forward, Penny finds herself going to an authentic macaron shop and visiting the Louvre. 

The man finds his phone and looks through the photo albums, tapping the one that said “favorites”. It included his and Pepper’s wedding, their honeymoon, Avengers team pictures, and a bunch of other things. He scrolls through and finds the very one. 

Penny was in white denim overalls with a cherry red t-shirt underneath and with a floppy sun hat over her head, grinning big for the whole world to see. Next to her jubilant self was him. A happier him. He just put out a peace sign and wore a mediocre smile. 

Tony breathes out shakily. What he would give to bring her back to be that happy again was beyond sanity. 

What he gave her was a lot for the girl, but to Tony, it wasn’t enough. Especially considering her untimely death.

Death. Untimely. Tony leans against the glass-walled balcony railing. She wasn’t untimely like some anomaly-she was a tragedy and a loss so great you never feel good again. People could say that about anyone close to them, but there was no other Penny Parker in this world to see. He would never clap his hands or snap his fingers and she was all ok. She would never come back and he could never hug her or hold her like he was stupid enough to not even do once. 

Tony wasn’t her parent. Of course, he had never hugged her or held her, why would she need that from him? She needed it from her mother and father...who were dead. She needed it from her uncle...Also dead. 

Now, her aunt and Penny, herself, meet the fate that seems to attract the Parker family to it like a kid to a lollipop. 

He sets the weight of his head through his fingers which pressed against the bone under his brows. Tony missed her light. He missed  _ her _ . No one was ever going to be her. His baby was going to be his baby, though. Put him in the darkest pit of hell if he didn’t adore her with every inch of soul he could and beyond. He would, though, so there was no reason to worry. But for him, himself, he always worried, especially for Pepper and the baby. 

It pops up into his head too randomly, so it takes a moment to process. Fingers still supporting his head, Tony softly chuckles to himself. Penny was practice for his own biological baby. Two different stages of life, but his baby would, one day, actually grow up. Oh, God, he didn’t like that. She wasn’t even born yet and he was worried about her taking on things alone, angst, rebellion, and making boys’ heads turn already. Goddamn it, what was he going to do?

He already didn’t deal well that one time Penny went on a date and it turned out horrible. Tony felt like dead-ass killing the kid, but also, he was just happy to see her enjoying some chocolate ice cream with himself, Nat, and Thor while watching a movie. 

She got crushed by a building. Penny barely made it out. He wasn’t there for her when she needed him. Dramatic things like that happening to superheroes should not be unexpected, but what happens when it occurs to an innocent teenage girl? Accountability? What the hell was that? When he heard that happened, he might have put on a decent composure, but he actually had a sick feeling to the stomach and needed to sit down for a minute. Tony was responsible for her and failed. Not just once, but quite a few. 

The last time was fatal. 

Mistakes being fatal should’ve only been fatal for him. 

Tony removes the weight of his heavy head from the fragility of his ever-aging fingers, eyes up against the giant-ass reminder of what he did, who he lost, and everything on top of it. “Fuck you, Gustave Eiffel,” He murmurs with a lack-luster voice. But if this wasn’t a reminder to him of the child he lost, something else in this city would. 

Stopping would be good for him. The seeming obsession, but when you watch someone die in front of you the way she did, all you can have is grief. Sorrow. Monstrous fury at existence and yourself. That’s what his soul became: struck once again with mercy outside of its vocabulary.

He was supposed to focus on the good. Marriage to the love of his life and having a little girl to soon be born was something he thought would ever be close to his reality. There was a time he didn’t have much compassion for women (except for sex) and he had no feelings towards children, whatsoever.

Good thing he didn’t continue Howard’s legacy of being an asshole, forever. 

An emergency ambulance passes by and so does ten minutes. Gustave Eiffel’s legacy looks him right in the eye with all it’s bright glory and is so irritating that it makes Tony turn around and he considers going back to bed, but he sits down at the terrace table instead. 

There were many pictures and not just of himself and Penny. 

On his phone, he starts with the first one he saw with Penny in it. One was Natasha and Penny after a decathlon competition. Another was of her and Thor looking pretty tired. Something about saving a cat? He had no idea.

The third one, though, strikes him as hard as lightning. 

When he realized it was her sixteenth birthday coming up, Tony just wanted to do something. Something really cool, but he also didn’t want to overdo it, but he also didn’t know what overdoing it was. There were too many options to choose from and he had endless money to do it. All of this has him at the lab computers looking at stuff and lounging in his chair at eleven pm, but it was well worth it because he thought he struck a good intimacy, yet “wow” factor idea: a rental in Nantucket or the Hamptons, but nothing super-duper extreme, just have the team plus a few friends and May there. Get some minor decorations, a custom cake, a few gifts. That couldn’t be overdoing it...right?

Penny’s reaction to everything proved otherwise, and he thought she was almost going to cry and they hadn’t even sung “Happy Birthday”, or anything, yet.

The reasoning kept ringing in his head: kids need good birthdays. His sixteenth was going to McDonald’s at midnight alone. So he pulled out all the proper stops, bless Pepper since she was a supreme planner, hoping it would all be good. In his opinion, it was great. Watching the teen’s smiles and laughs and positivity radiate like a burning blue star was the check of approval and when he realized that he had it, all his worries fade away. 

He’d never get to do it again. At least he got to do it for his own baby girl for every single birthday but in a different world. A scarier world. A more devastated world. The life she lived would be far from all of the horror, right? The least he could do is shield her from it, but he can’t deny its existence, either. God, all he wants is for her to be happy and to be safe. 

Wow. This is what every sane father felt? All the time? If this was normal, that was ok. It was all so much care and attention, something he never got from his own father. He could make it different for his daughter. Little did he realize that he’d been unconsciously doing it for Penny the more he spent time with her. 

Tony tears up and when he acknowledges it, he swallows and shakes his head. “Let her be somewhere better... _ Please _ , let her be somewhere better,” He pleads with an emotionally bumpy voice to nothing and no one in particular. If only the clouds could part and show a bright, beautiful star that held Penny’s soul, almost as if she was saying, “I’m ok.”

The world calms around him while time passes. Time. His greatest friend and his worst enemy, as it was for every person left alive. You couldn’t mess with it, you couldn’t vanquish it, it just existed beyond reach of tangibility. The only thing that could be done is to cope. 

Despite barely any speaking, his mouth is growing desert dry. Probably from the medication, or that’s at least what other people, including his wife, said. Drink a glass of water, get your mind off of the pain, and he would go to bed. Treating things mechanically in an equation was his greatest solution, but even that was just a band-aid on a bullet hole. Oh, how much he loathed those foul attempts. 

There was nothing left. He’d do with what he had. 

Tony turns around from the City of Light and heads back inside the suite, doing what he thought would be good for him. He fills a glass with icy water and turns on the television. It’s on the news, but with a different tone and a familiar face. 

Her voice in the interview made him curious, which was nothing new because Natasha Romanoff was definitely one of the world’s greatest enigmas. He didn’t know her history and her future was always unpredictable. Especially this. 

There were so many kids without families because of Thanos. So, so many. It was mortifying how many there were that Tony never wanted to say the grossly high estimate out loud, note how it was still undervalued and false. Natasha had been of great assistance with programs aimed towards rehabilitating the lost children with new families, foster ones and fully-adopting ones, too. 

“I want to thank every volunteer who participates in the New Hope program as well as U.N. sponsored missions whether you’re in the United States, in Kenya, India, Sweden, every single nation on this Earth has been impacted greater than could possibly be imagined. And these kids are a part of that impact-especially in areas that already had suffered horrible histories. In China, they’re still struggling with the consequences of their one-child-policy where many children are abandoned and unregistered. Now, in the state of the world, situations like those can get more care.”

She was really good at the whole publicity thing. It was in her background to be so, but you think it would be in his, too, since the press loves to hound him and the Stark family name. When every national and New York news channel figured out that the wedding happened without them, they freaked. Like, really freaked. He was surprised they hadn’t made up for it, entirely, yet, with showing up as ruthless paparazzi around their unborn child. Now that was a different line to cross, but the media barely had boundaries. It left him wondering if they’d really respected them, for once, or if Nat sent an anonymous death threat. Ok, maybe she didn’t, but that was the first alternative that came to mind. 

He didn’t have to disclose the pregnancy to anyone he didn’t want to, but she was one of the first people who knew about the baby after, of course, him and Pepper. First was Pepper’s parents who had survived the snap and lived in Colorado. The second was Rhodey. The third was Happy. He knew Pepper wouldn’t have expected Nat to be the fourth considering what happened in Leipzig, Germany, but it didn’t bother her too much. If she thought more than needed, it left her wary, but she had a big gap between the former assassin and Steve in the hierarchy of whom she had cold feelings towards. Natasha was near the bottom, but not at the deepest pit of it. Steve was at the highest pinnacle with no change to ever come.

Rhodey, of course, was going to be the godfather, and he was going to be around during his child’s life. As for a godmother, Pepper didn’t have any close friends she wanted to consider. So one night, lonely in his lab, Tony thought a long time about the people he knew and if they’d be in his child’s life. Steve brought trouble and damage wherever he went, so for him to be mostly out of the picture would be best, even if he was good with children. Thor had jumped off the face of the Earth, it seemed, or it could’ve been quite literally-Tony did not know. The very same of Bruce. And Clint. But then, there was Nat. He thought for a long time and the conclusion was that maybe he’d make her the godmother. However, he was good at procrastinating. He may not decide until the last minute. 

The last he saw of her was five months ago over a video call, and she seemed to be doing relatively alright. Ten times better than he, himself, would ever be. She was picking up the pieces, still, just as everyone else was because even the Black Widow could be broken, but she was one of the very toughest to crack at the seams like the snap did. Her hair had grown out and been dyed back to a nice shade of auburn. She took residence in a D.C apartment since that was where the United States government was organizing recovery efforts, but at the time they were on the call, she was in a Moscow hotel room, for whatever reason. 

Natasha, Carol, and Rhodey were the only Avengers he’s talked to since he returned to Earth and they went to build a farmhouse where no one would care to look. There weren’t many people he wanted to talk to, but for some of them, he would have at least appreciated hearing from one time. Thor lost  _ everything _ within a week. If he could have been there for him, he would’ve, but not answering showed rejection, so there was no trying again. Clint’s family was gone, but they didn’t find a fifth pile of dust at the Barton home where he was on house arrest, so Tony was just left wondering. No idea where Bruce was, either. He’d heard that Steve found a stellar price on a Brooklyn apartment, but he didn’t understand why he’d even want to live there in a world with its heart half gone. It's a place where you saw the best and worst of the world at a level you never could think of, even if it was New York City with its crime, prices, and share of ridiculous people. 

The channel flashed some images of children without parents, without hope, without their previously-held innocence. The image that stabs him the most, though, is a toddler child with a face of porcelain and eyes of crystal. It reminded him of himself, but at a terrifyingly younger age than even he with-held a depressed mind.

He internally prayed to never see such a thing on his own baby’s face. Ever.

That was the moment Tony clicks the TV off and retreats to the bedroom where he was a half-hour ago. When his head hits the pillow, he still can’t close his eyes. They stare at the covers where, underneath, her belly and their child is. 

His voice is barely audible. “I will always be there for you, baby girl.  _ Alway _ s.”

  
  


Even in third-trimester pregnancy, Pepper still easily wakes her husband up early. Her suggestion was to catch a good breakfast before most people could see them, so that’s what they did. 

The clouds had cleared up, but it was still dark, the sun just rearing its gears to come around, the sky gaining brightness by, barely, an increment. Yes, it was that early. Six A.M. exactly. The restaurants at the hotel weren’t open yet which was completely ok. Pepper had a favorite café not too far from their hotel. Just a ten-minute walk would get them there since there was barely anyone out and they didn’t want to bother with getting a car for that short of a distance. It was also good exercise that Tony hadn’t had, for a while. 

Paris at morning twilight had a minor, strange, ethereal sense to it, or at least where the two of them were, walking down the street passed a women’s boutique. 

“I never realized the Iranian Embassy was right there,” Tony mentions, even though it was right next to the hotel and they had passed it just a minute ago. 

Pepper, her usually-cold-hand in his, gives him a weird look, but this was his usual dumbass-ery. “Yeah. It’s been there for a while.”

“Gimme a break, I was looking into your beautiful eyes,” He remarks coyly. 

Pepper hums. “So you’re saying I distract you from the obvious and notable things in reality?”

“It’s kinda how I came to ask you to dance that one night in two-thousand-eight.”

Pepper just smiles, realizing how lucky she is to have this man’s hand to hold versus any other. So she savors the warmth of his palm a little bit more and thinks of their baby. Hopefully, his genes and traits don’t hide a hidden curse that will be passed onto their daughter like being an insomniac or having no sense of organization. Those both were probably going to come to reality, but it wasn’t worth thinking about. What she did need to keep on her mind was preparing for her birth and getting the final supplies they needed. “I made a list of the places we need to go sometime while we’re here for the baby.”

“What, Galeries Lafayette? Printemps?”

“Those and then a boutique, Princesse De Paris.”

“For you or the baby?” Tony asks, since he had no idea what boutique it was. He might seem to know stuff on the outside, sometimes, but in reality, he had no idea what was going on when it came to shopping for babies.

“For the baby-they have the most darling clothes.”

“I’m pretty sure babies also like comfy stuff,” He weakly interjects. 

“Oh! Bonpoint! How could I forget?”

“Bon-what?”

“We can do that tomorrow, we don’t have to spend all day shopping. Part of the thing was to relax a little bit.”

Relax. To relax, most people went to Bora Bora or Cabo San Lucas. He liked Paris, though. Granted, he liked a lot of places, but he was with Pepper, and that mattered most. The architecture and design he actually found to be really eye-drawing and beautiful. It had a classy character that you couldn’t find anywhere else. Just as there was no city like New York or London or Los Angeles and San Francisco, there was no city like Paris. Just like there was no city like said city, there was no person just like said person. 

They arrive at the cafe soon, after, that bit of conversation. The two are sat down on the patio that faces the Place Du Trocadero, chilly breezes making Pepper readjust the berry-colored scarf she wore over her fancy burgundy coat and neck. The sky gains more and more blue color, but still at a slow pace. It was ok, though, because some of the most wonderful things took time. 

Morning chocolate was needed to satisfy her cravings in the form of a crepe drizzled in chocolate with berries on the side, filled with some more chocolate, but also cream. Tony, on the other hand, got a fluffy croissant. 

“You wanna revisit what we wanna name our baby?” Pepper asks before taking another bite of her crepe, eating some strawberry slices with it. 

“Is that why we came to France, you got hooked on a French baby name?” Tony jokes. “I’m a little bit unenthusiastic about naming our child Coco Chanel Stark.”

“No, I just thought it was a good conversation starter. Plus, I’m a planner. I don’t see myself naming her just when she comes out of me.”

The billionaire nods in understanding. “Well...I like the name, Sophia.”

“It’s a nice name,” Pepper agrees with a certain softness. 

“Yeah, but it’s kinda overused,” Tony reports the downside with a frown.

“What matters is that we like it, for the most part.”

“But we’re not just going with the name Emma, of the ga-zillion names out there.”

“Exactly.”

Tony ponders for a moment, his ears growing a tad too cold for his liking, but he had bigger matters to tend to. “Madeleine.”

“Speaking of French,” Pepper smirks. 

“Like Madeleine Albright, first female secretary of state,” Tony name-drops. 

“I didn’t think we were naming after people,” Pepper reminds. Unless they just loved the name and or person that much, they didn’t want to name their child after others. 

“Also after the French pastry-wait, no, we don’t want our daughter to be eaten.”

Once he says it, it’s too late. 

Pepper stares at him because both of their minds got the accidentally dirty meaning versus the much more innocent one. 

Tony puts his head in one hand. “I do these things to myself,” He mutters regretfully. 

“We’re not naming our daughter, Madeleine, then, because you just ruined the name and all of its variations for me,” Pepper settles. 

“Yeah, you couldn’t pay me a billion dollars to name my daughter Madeleine.”

“You already  _ have _ a billion dollars, Tony,” Pepper says incredulously. 

“Ok, you couldn’t give me the Palace of Versaille or the presidency to name my daughter Madeleine. There.”

“The president of a tiny company who has one shop in the middle of Kansas or the presidency of the United States?” She tests playfully. 

“Both. I can’t name her Madeleine.”

Pepper pauses, for a moment, to contemplate a new thought that came to her head. “I’ve actually always liked the name Ruby.”

“Ruby,” Tony repeats like testing out a product, except this is his child, so it was ten times more important. No, it was actually more.

“Yeah?”

Tony smiles. “Ruby actually sounds really pretty.” Their little Ruby. It sounded like a nice picture.

“What about Ruby Marie?” Pepper adds on a middle name to finish it off.

“Ruby Marie Stark?”

“Yeah,” Pepper nods, starting to adopt it, but that quickly gets ruined because Tony was the way he was. 

“R.M.S,” Tony murmurs. “...Do you want her to be the RMS Titanic, Pep? Do you want her to sink and drown, PePpEr?”

“Uh-”

“Because the Royal Mail Ship Titanic-”

“No.”

“ _ Sank _ only a month or two after our daughter’s birth-date.”

“Why did I marry you?”

“Because I was destined to save our daughter’s life, among other great achievements.”

Pepper looks at him lovingly, but also in the way that says, “you’re an idiot.” Meanwhile, her brain keeps trying to spawn a new name. 

“I do like the name Ruby, though, it’s at the top of my list. Not so sure about the middle name Marie, but it still fits,” Tony admits. 

_ “My name should’ve been different.” _

_ “What’s wrong with Penny?” Tony inquires, tossing some popcorn into his mouth, relaxing into the recliner.  _

_ “Penny? Really? A coin,” She raises her brows.  _

_ “It’s short for Penelope. Nothing bad.” _

_ “I don’t think I look like a Penny,” The spider-teen shakes her head. “I don’t even like the name.” _

_ “Well, good for you, in a few years, you can legally change it.” _

_ Penny, herself eats popcorn from her own bowl while the commercials play. They, plus Pepper, were watching a cooking show and were chatting, waiting for Tony’s fiance to come back from the restroom.  _

_ “I like a lot of names. Juniper, Delilah, Eleanor. Some are weirder, like Ocean and Gaia-” _

_ “I’m sorry, but those last two, kid, I could barely stomach as middle names, not even first names.” _

_ “Oh, come on! Be more open-minded!” Penny pleads.  _

_ “I am open-minded,” Tony fights back, rolling his eyes.  _

_ “But my favorite-which is a normal name,” Penny starts seriously. “Is Clara.” _

_ “Clara?” _

_ Penny nods eagerly. “Yeah, I should’ve been Clara Parker. That would’ve been so much cuter than Penny Parker,” She mocks the very name her parents gave her.  _

_ Tony shrugs. Penny was a weird name, but it was just short for Penelope, so he couldn’t judge too much. “It’s nice,” Is all he says. Nice like getting more french fries with your burger, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter too much.  _

  
  


Tony makes a sound in his mouth, about to say something, but he still pauses and thinks about it. 

“What is it?” Pepper tilts her head ever-so-slightly. Her crepe is nearly gone because it was really good. 

Tony looks to his right where the world continues to gain daylight, for the sun determined it time for another twenty-four-hour day to happen on this lonelier-than-before planet. The Parisian sky grows into a pale blue, ready to welcome the sun to the world for the day. 

“Clara,” He finally says. 

Pepper lets it sink in. “Do you know what it means?”

“Actually, I do. It, uh, means bright and clear in Greek,” Tony answers. He asked Friday to look it up, that day. He remembered it, even two years later. Uneasily and with a frozen posture, he sighs. “Penny loved the name, that’s all,” Tony whispers. 

Pepper’s lips part in realization. “Tony-”

“I actually really do like the name, though, besides Penny, I just didn’t think of it until, now, even if I went through that many pages of Babycenter.com’s name list,” He rambles.

The strawberry-blonde laughs softly at his remark about Babycenter.com. “I think it's really good…Clara Stark.”

“It kinda clicks, doesn’t it?”

“I think so,” She nods. 

A pregnant pause (quite literally) ensues between the couple, finishing up their meal as a gorgeous morning grows later. 

It ends up being Pepper to break the ice. “Do you want to name her Clara, Tony?”

“Yeah. Do you? Clara Stark,” Tony lets it come off his tongue. “C’mere, Clara. Where are you, Clara? Clara, come get your dinner.”

Pepper looks at him, waiting for her husband’s verdict. The name was beautiful and it had a great meaning. Penny liked it, too. She trusted the girl’s opinion. She knew her, too.

“Clara’s gonna be great.”

Once handed their check and departed the cafe, the Trocadero is just across the street in all of its majesties, so that is where they decide to stroll hand-in-hand. 

Tony thinks he sees only two other people here at this early hour when people are just barely awakening and going to work, and he’s correct. The amazing-ly crafted platform is devoid of life except for the random couple on the other side and the two of them. 

You could say it’s a beautiful day in Paris, and it was, in some fashions. The weather was clear, the sun was rising, the weather wasn’t freezing but also not boiling, and the Trocadero was nearly bare of life. In another fashion, though, Paris had lost so much life, economic success, stability, and many other things. It was tough, but like many places, Paris was resilient. The people of Paris were resilient. He needed to be, too. 

Penny was lost, forever. There were days that he felt so guilty and missed her so much that breathing became a struggle. Other days, all he knew was that there was a better place out there for her, May, and the other lost Avengers. It was not something to get over, but it was something to cope with. It wasn’t an easy feat, and he would never get there, but the least he could do was try. 

He looks over the platform, down the steps, and in the garden. Tony can only imagine Penny and May walking around just like they did before. Maybe there was another version of Australia in heaven that they’re going to, right now. He could only hope, right?

“It’ll be ok, Tony,” Pepper looks at him. “We’re gonna be ok.”

Tony doesn’t say anything to that. He places his hand that holds his wife’s and rests it over her expecting belly out of love. He would love Clara to his last breath and beyond, just as he did for Penny, even if it was different. 

_ I’m in Paris, sweetheart, _ Tony thinks to himself. “I wish you were here,” he says aloud. 

**Author's Note:**

> andddddd that's a wrap! I hope everyone liked it! If you did, comments and kudos are incredibly appreciated!
> 
> The title meaning is a rough translation of the last line! In English it's "I'm in Paris, Sweetheart, I wish you were here" but when I re-translated it back to English it became "I'm in Paris, honey, I wish you were there" so that's where it came from. 
> 
> Again, happy happy HAPPY birthday, Zu! l ove you!


End file.
